Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Man, jail baloney is awful.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
