we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
