Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
