I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
