I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
