Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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