nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
