There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
