So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
