i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
