im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
