so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I am midnight drunk by noon
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
