So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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