its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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