We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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