This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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