it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
