sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
