What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
