it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You are the jesus of drinking
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
