what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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