it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
