She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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