Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
