So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize