Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
