the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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