Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
