I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
