i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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