What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
