Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
