I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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