Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
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