I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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