Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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