You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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