let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
we're making bets on your personal life
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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