True but thats because hes a fetus.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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