I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
