like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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