I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
they need to just BURY HIM!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
