Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
