remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
