She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
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So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
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do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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