im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
