I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize