anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
