had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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