Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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