it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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