don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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