she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
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