Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
