Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
