I'm going to rape someone's good day.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
