I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
