Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
smell my finger.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
