ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
