Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
