I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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