I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
