You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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