he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
