they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
