I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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