Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
