fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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