we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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