that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
