I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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