hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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