She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
