for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
